| Now that the Iraq study group headed by former | | | | We have a country that is very close to Iraq that |
| Secretary of States James Baker III has delivered its | | | | has demonstrated a strong ability to control its |
| blistering report on the Bush administration's handling | | | | destiny. I think we should consider outsourcing the |
| of the Iraqi War, we've all been waiting for the | | | | management of Iraq to Iran. That's right, hire Iran to |
| wondrous solutions that either the lame-duck | | | | manage Iraq. (What is really scary is that the Baker |
| administration or our new leaders in Congress will | | | | group is actually proposing this approach!) With Iran in |
| propose. | | | | charge of Iraq, providing us with their business plan |
| Well, I'm tired of waiting! | | | | and weekly reports, we could clean our hands of the |
| Everyone says we can't get out. We can't win. We | | | | whole mess. Moreover, sine outsourcing is viewed as |
| can't achieve victory. But what I'm really concerned | | | | more efficient and economical than our actually doing |
| about is that the Democrats are still hung over from | | | | the work we should be able to retain Iran for a lot |
| their victory and are struggling to find a solution to | | | | less than the $500 billion it's costing us to run a losing |
| the Iraqi problem. I don't' want to see a lot of | | | | war. Maybe an "arms for management" agreement |
| bickering going on; I don't want to see our new | | | | with Iran or some nuclear technology in a type of |
| leaders become discouraged, particularly around this | | | | barter exchange would get the job done. |
| holiday season. | | | | Keep in mind this is exactly what corporations do. |
| So what I'd like to do is offer a number of options | | | | They outsource problems they don't want to deal |
| to resolve the Iraqi crisis. (Or at least some that will | | | | with, and the U.S. can do that, too. We could even |
| allow us to wash our hands of the problem, and walk | | | | consider outsourcing Iraq to Syria but that would be |
| away!) The solutions proposed here are not some | | | | my second choice (where's Idi Amin when you need |
| off the wall untested academic theories, but rather | | | | him?). |
| they come straight out of corporate handbook for | | | | If you are still not satisfied with these options to |
| business success. | | | | solving the Iraq problem there is always the old |
| First, some background. The most challenging problem | | | | standby - we could hire a consultant. You know, an |
| in Iraq is an almost total lack of control, direction and | | | | organization that claims to have experience solving all |
| focus. We've got various factions fighting each other | | | | types of problems, while in reality all they have ever |
| just as though they were business divisions that can't | | | | done is talk about them. A corporate consultancy like |
| come up with a specific business plan. Ironically, just a | | | | Mitchell-Madison comes to mind here, but they are |
| few years ago Iraq was a totally unified and focused | | | | not big enough for this problem. We need a really big |
| country. Whether it be to destroy Iran one day, | | | | ineffective consultant for this job and who better |
| Israel the next or to spread international terrorism, at | | | | than the United Nations? Of course, the only problem |
| least they had focus and a mission. | | | | with bringing in a consultant it that only delays the |
| Of course Iraq began to lose focus when their leader | | | | reality and we would still end up with the problem in |
| Saddam Hussein was overthrown jailed and | | | | our laps. |
| convicted. And now everyone is waiting to see him | | | | But, there is one solution that I am confident will |
| hanged, as Iraq collapses around them. | | | | work and that is the tried and true joint-venture. |
| But, there is a better course of action and its right | | | | While this might be difficult to implement, it could do |
| out of the latest in white collar sentencing handbook. | | | | the trick, because corporations in the past when |
| There is an excellent opportunity to bring back | | | | corporations have been faced with issues and |
| stability to Iraq by sentencing Saddam Hussein to | | | | problems beyond the scope of their ability to resolve, |
| serve 10 years of house arrest and community | | | | they have sought to join forces in a joint venture. |
| service. As part of his community service we should | | | | Admittedly, this has made for some strange |
| put him back in charge, and let him run the country | | | | corporate bedfellows. (Or to be PC, bedpeoples.) |
| like he did before we got involved. | | | | In the case of Iraq, we could do a joint venture with |
| Remember, when Saddam ran things? We didn't have | | | | Al-Qaeda to manage Iraq. This gives us an |
| bombings, insurrections or all these religious wackos | | | | opportunity to bring in a management team that has |
| running around kidnapping and killing people to please | | | | a demonstrated ability to organize and control and |
| God. That's because Saddam had the ability to | | | | even suppress vast numbers of peoples. Moreover, it |
| control his business like a true corporate leader. He's | | | | also gives us the opportunity to get to sit down and |
| proven that he has the ability to dominate and | | | | talk with Al-Qaeda's top management and get to |
| oppress a diverse organization. Put Saddam in charge | | | | know them better. Who knows where it could lead if |
| again he'll get control of that country in a hurry and | | | | we joint venture the management of Iraq with |
| we won't have to be there. | | | | Al-Qaeda? It could open up a whole new world of |
| This is not a strategy in a vacuum. Remember | | | | strategies we can use to manage crises that break |
| Colonel Qaddafi of Libya? When he was doing things | | | | out anywhere in the world. |
| we didn't like, we didn't attempt a hostile takeover to | | | | Let's say we get upset with what the people in |
| get rid of him and put him on trial like Saddam | | | | Sweden are doing. We could send Al-Qaeda into |
| Hussein. We just put him under supervised house | | | | Sweden and control those people if they ever get on |
| arrest. We surrounded his house and checked where | | | | our wrong side. This approach opens up endless |
| he was at all times. We said, "Look, you can keep | | | | opportunities for us to be involved without ever |
| doing what you are doing, but you have to keep | | | | actually having to do anything our selves. And of |
| doing it within your own house." Qaddafi has become | | | | course that fits almost as well with our Congress as |
| a model citizen and when was the last time you even | | | | it does with many corporate executives. |
| heard about Libya in the media? All this without | | | | Now, any one of these three strategies can work. |
| having a single American in Libya. | | | | And if we play our cards right, we can be out of Iraq |
| If this solution is not tolerable for some people, then | | | | soon after the start of the new year so we can |
| possibly we could implement another accepted | | | | move on to other more mundane issues such as the |
| business technique that many companies use in an | | | | national debt, health care, education and people trying |
| attempt to solve their problems and that's none | | | | to sneak into our country to take our stuff. |
| other than our old friend "outsourcing." | | | | |