Call Of The Mall--The Seasons Of Shopping

fe and 15 year-old daughter are shopping addicts.generally happen only to truly serious shoppers, are
It’s unquestionably their favorite way ofthe source of immeasurable delight, satisfaction and
mother-daughter bonding. By comparison, a requestconversation.
from me to my daughter to go for a hike, myOver the years I have noticed a pattern to their
favorite way of father-daughter bonding, is met withshopping which delineates the year much the same
rolling eyes and the inevitable question, “Howway that football seasons do. In early May,
long will it be?” My daughter has been underPre-season starts. This is when they
the tutelage of my wife since she was three and“need” new summer clothes and good
was awarded her Master Shopper Certification at agedeals can be had on winter clothes. My daughter has
11 years, 1 month, 2 days, just a two months shy ofgrown another inch and “cute” new
the world record 10 years, 11 months, 26 days. Ifashions titillate their shopping senses. They have held
don’t begrudge them this pleasure, but I amoff since last season and the call of the mall can no
envious (maybe that’s why I’mlonger be denied.
writing this).Pre-season runs until August, when Regular Season
My wife and daughter get more pleasure out ofgets underway. School is just around the corner and
shopping for clothes than most people do from athe justification for new purchases has never been
$40 meal, even if they come home with one $15stronger. Surely my daughter can’t be seen
item (which is rare). Or, as Tammy Faye Bakker oncewearing the same things she wore last year! With
put it, “Shopping is a lot cheaper than athe kickoff of Regular Season, my wife and daughter
psychiatrist.” When they return home from awill often migrate beyond their normal shopping
shopping foray, my daughter tries on her purchasesterritory to other, more distant malls in the metro
for me and tells me how much of a discount she gotarea. Our local mall can be completely shopped in a
on each. Somehow $20 off a $70 sweatersolid long day, but other malls open up whole new
doesn’t have the same impression on me asworlds of shopping opportunities.
it did on Abercrombie. But I smile and tell her howJust about the time the Regular Season seems to be
“cute” it is. By now I have learnedwinding down, my wife and daughter catch new wind
that any other reaction is futile. My wife, bywith the arrival of November and Christmas buying.
comparison, learned long ago not to seek myHaving largely fulfilled their personal shopping needs,
approval of her purchases; the first time I see themthey can now shop for others! It doesn’t get
is when she wears them.any better than this—shopping and altruism
I shop for clothes occasionally. For me, the operativecombined. For the next seven weeks they are
word is “need.” For my wife andintensely focused on purchasing just the right gifts
daughter, the operative word isfor all of our friends and relatives. It is now when all
“want.” When I define a need, I visitthe advance work of the previous three months
the store that carries the item, purchase it and leave.comes into play and when I have to remind myself
In, out, done. My wife and daughter never feelthat yes, in spite of their continual absence, I do
satisfied until they have visited every clothing store inhave a family.
the mall and made sure they got theRegular Season ends in a flurry of buying in the week
“cutest” items at the lowest prices.preceding Christmas. They shop to the point where
The economist in me calls this “maximizingthe thought of purchasing actually begins to lose
shopping utility.”some of its allure and then, thankfully, comes
I used to point out to my wife and daughter thatChristmas morning—the Big Purge. In a period
they can only wear one thing at a time, and thatof 90 minutes, all they have worked for in the
one-fifth of humanity has only one change of clothes.previous seven weeks is disgorged from its
This was a total waste of breath; what was Iwrappings and ooohed and aaahed by the relatives.
thinking? Both have closets stuffed to the brim withFor my wife and daughter, this is the pinnacle of the
“cute” clothes. Fortunately theseshopping year, knowing that all those days spent
closets are not overly large and so they are forcedshopping has brought pleasure to so many others.
to recycle (my consolation). Other than shoes, IFor a few brief days after Christmas there is a
cannot ever recall them ever recycling a clothing itemshopping lull. The thought of driving to the mall, of
that was worn out, which has always seemed to meentering another store, of spending more money
the prime reason for buying new clothes in the firstactually feels a bit distasteful. But then the Christmas
place. I sometimes think our family alone keeps thegift certificates my daughter has received begin to
Salvation Army in business. I know it’s just agnaw their way into her awareness and she is
matter of time before the IRS audits us andgradually restored to normalcy. Plus the incredible
disallows our massive writeoffs to charity.deals at the post-Christmas sales beckon. And so
My only other consolation is that my wife has a fairlythey enter Post-season. It’s back to the mall,
advanced case of what she calls “shoppingback to the shopping, but I can tell by the weariness
bulimia.” After she buys an article of clothingin their voices and the brevity of their shopping
she brings it home and tries it on again to see if sheforays that their hearts are not in it the way they
“really likes it.” Fortunately, shewere in Regular Season.
changes her mind on about about 20 percent of herPost-season is gratefully short; it runs for only about
purchases, which she then returns to the store for aa month. By the end of January, my wife and
refund or credit. This enables her to experience thedaughter are fully sated and ready for a break. The
joy of buying some items without them ultimatelyfeet sore, the checking account depleted, Off
costing anything.Season begins. For the first few months it is actually
Due to their diligence, my wife and daughter have ona welcome relief—no more malls, no more
rare occasions actually had the peak shoppingshopping. Despite the sales, the appeal just
experience they refer to as the Shopping Miracle.isn’t there. But as the weather warms, the
This is when an expensive item, sometimes onecoats and sweaters are stashed away. The desire
they’ve had their eyes on for months, hasfor new adornment is refreshed and renewed with
been marked down for the third or fourth time,the emergence of spring greenery, and the call of
usually to about one-third of its supposedthe mall once again beckons in the distance.
“retail value.” Such occasions, which